Cancer.

Sara and Natalie at the “Cloud Gate” (the Bean) at Millennium Park while in Chicago for a business trip — Sara and Natalie at the “Cloud Gate” (*the Bean*) at Millennium Park while in Chicago for a business trip

I'm pretty sure we can universally agree that's the one word no one ever wants to hear. Unfortunately 1.75 million people receive a cancer diagnosis annually in the United States. This staggering number means we all, at the very least, know someone affected by cancer. It's a terrible word to hear when someone you may only know of is diagnosed, absolutely heart breaking when that person is someone is a family member or close friend, and I cannot even begin to fathom what it's like to receive the diagnosis yourself. Cancer. Man I hate that word!

I'm writing this from the perspective of the aforementioned family member/friend. My grandma passed away from cancer. My uncle passed away from cancer. Some of my cousins have been diagnosed with cancer. Cancer seems to be a thing in my family, but right now I'm writing from the perspective of a friend.

I first met Sara in 2015, right before she went out on maternity leave after having her third child, Camden. She was an administrative professional on the team I just joined. I didn't get a chance to know her before she had Cam, but since she returned from maternity leave, I've been fortunate to get to know Sara much better over the years. We now work in the same sales org so I've worked very closely with Sara the last two-ish years especially. In this time I've learned that Sara is so much more than the shy person who keeps to herself like I thought when we first started working together. Her sarcasm is fantastic, she is an incredibly proud mother, she has a heart of gold, she always gives 120%, and she's someone I'm happy to now call a friend. You know how you have one person that you can say is literally the nicest person you've ever met? For me, that's Sara.

When Sara was first diagnosed with rectal cancer, I was shocked. First off, she was way too young for such a diagnosis! Secondly, she was a healthy person. Yeah, she has Celiac disease, but she follows a strict diet to keep it in check, and also was active with her family. I wasn't yet extremely close with Sara at this point, but she was definitely one of my favorite coworkers so this diagnosis was really sad. Fast forward to round two when this pesky cancer popped up on her liver. I had transitioned to the same sales org Sara supported so we had been direct counterparts for a year when Cancer 2.0 happened. I felt horrible when I learned her cancer had returned and my immediate reaction was to dive in head first and find out how I could help Sara and her family. I was so grateful she made the connection at MSK and was able to undergo surgery so quickly after learning her cancer had returned.

Another Routine CT.

On Thursday, December 20th, Sara had a routine CT for her 3-month follow-up after beating Cancer 2.0. She and I talked about the prep and the waiting and all fun things associated with office visits. We were both optimistic. I mean, she's done literally everything possible to be in tip-top health. She's cut nearly all sugar out of her diet, she exercises more than ever, she refuses to remain sedentary - hell, the woman bought a stair stepper for work so she could keep moving during the day!! This was going to be a routine CT with no surprises. On Friday, December 21st, we worked our last day in 2018. Thank the heavens, it was finally time for the year-end shutdown!!! No meetings, expense reports, calendaring, travel, all that jazz for 11 days. Woo hoo! We played some games at work to keep the mood happy in the office. Sara and I discussed her afternoon oncology appointment a couple times during the day and I told her this appointment better be smooth sailing after her crappy appointment earlier this year (see: Cancer 2.0).

On Friday morning, as I walked outside our office in the time before the sun decided to make its appearance, a massive snowy owl swooped in front of me. Oh my gosh, that was a beautiful bird! I've seen them in zoos and from a distance, but never this close! It seriously scared the crap out of me because it was so close. I told Sara what happened outside and she said she always thinks things like that are a sign so I immediately took to Google. The general consensus is that seeing an owl is linked to wisdom or prophecy. I told Sara and noted this was true for most people with the exception of ancient Christians who saw owls as a sign of evil. Apparently my prophecy skills are not on point because I wasn't able to predict the evil news to come later in the day.

"Bad results"

I actually screamed "no" out loud in my car when I got this text from Sara. When she told me the CT showed a liver spot and a few more in her lungs, my heart shattered. I was completely devastated. My shock had to be put on hold as I was bringing Christmas presents to my niece who was in town, but Sara was in the back of my mind the whole evening. When we left the holiday celebration, I broke down in tears. Why? How? Again, this doesn't make sense. I'll never understand why the worst things happen to the best people. It's amazing how quickly I moved through the stages of grief. (Side note: I don't believe grief is exclusive to the sorrow related to someone's death. I think we can grieve other "deaths" in life, such as the death of cancer remission.)

Cancer 3.0.

Where do we go from here? Again, I'm writing this from the perspective of a friend of some whose cancer has returned for round three. Right now, the answer to my own question is that I don't know. We are elbows deep in exciting projects with Love Your Buns. Christmas is so close I can feel it. Can't cancer at least have better timing if it is going to show up?? Cancer, your heart is very clearly more than two sizes two small. Rude! BUT, in the words of Sara, "onward I must go!". Do you remember all the great things I said about Sara before? I forgot to mention her extremely positive attitude. All I know is I'm here to help Sara and her family however I can. I'm here to take on more for Love Your Buns so the head honchos can focus on Sara again. I don't know where we go from here, but I can promise I'll be here for Sara every single step of the way. This is probably one of the few times in life I'll say I hope it's true that bad things happen in threes. Cancer can absolutely stop at round three! I am not counting higher than this, cancer, so let's go away forever after Sara beats you for the third time, okay?!

How can YOU help?

Again, this news is all so completely fresh that I don't know. I do know that you can support Love Your Buns, though, to help us educate young adults to increase awareness of the signs and rising prevalence of rectal cancer, empower informed decision making, and improve quality of life in survivorship.

Help us find our footing by donating to LYB at https://www.loveyourbuns.org/donate/.

Buy some LYB merch at https://loveyourbuns.itemorder.com/sale through the end of the year.

Help us spread the word about the non-profit so hopefully fewer people have to experience what Sara's going through! Prayers, positive vibes, thoughts, well wishes, etc. are also accepted and appreciated at this time.

Cancer. What an ugly word! Maybe if we're lucky it's something we'll eradicate during our lifetime. All I know is I'm going to fight to make sure cancer isn't an active part of Sara's future.

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